who’s meant to be there, will be there

People come and go; no one is permanent in your life. 

It sounds sad as hell, but sometimes the truth is sad. The people you depend on can decide to leave at any moment. It doesn’t matter how much you want them to stay, they decide whether they want to. 

When my last relationship ended I didn’t think I’d be losing friends too. I went to them for comfort on my hard days and reminded them that I appreciated them. My therapist would often bring up my close friends during our sessions to remind me that I wasn’t alone. It reassured me that even if one person chose to end a relationship with me that others wouldn’t. It showed me I wasn’t too broken. That changed. 

The same thing happened in a previous relationship too. The people I called my best friends soon left. 

I grew up in a divorced household. This means I am very familiar with “picking sides” when two people separate. I never understood why some people chose one of my parents over the other. My head couldn’t wrap around the fact that family friends decided to go one way or the other. By doing so they just furthered the divide that me and the rest of the kids had to handle. 

When my relationships ended I kept that mindset. I don’t think it was ignorance, but rather first hand experience that gave me hope it wouldn’t happen to me. That’s not what happened though.

I’ve lost some of my best friends and even those who still talk to me no longer try anymore. To them I’m a distant thought and they are moving on. It hurts. 

I spent some time feeling upset, sad, and even angry. My feelings are all over the place still, but my mindset has changed. Who’s meant to be in my life will make an effort and those who choose not to be present will leave. There is no point in wasting energy on others who won’t put forth effort. 

People come and go, but I will always be here for myself. I’ve come to realize that I cannot lose myself to try to keep others to stay. I’ve only just begun learning who I am and that cannot be lost again. 

The sadness can still have a place in me as I cope with the loss. My feelings are valid and cannot be ignored. So I will not avoid them, but make an effort to change my reaction. 

I’ve lost myself before. I’ve lost who I am just to try to get people to stay. That hurt me far worse than the person who left. I can handle losing someone, but I cannot handle losing myself. Whoever is meant to be here with me will stay. The people who choose to leave can do so and I hope the best for them. 

Even though I’ve dealt with the loss of others I will not let it affect those who stay. Relying on others during hard times is necessary. Supporting your friends when they need you is a must. I will not let the fear of loss take away from the people who stay. I appreciate every person who has entered my life and will continue to do so. 

Don’t hide from change, but embrace it. Do not be scared of what will happen. There’s a bigger plan that I have no idea about, but I have faith in it.