manifesting a year of continued growth

If I hear one more “this year has to be better than 2020” then I might just lose it. Last year wasn’t an entire loss, but instead an “adventure” we all needed.

2020 was a complete shitshow, I agree with that completely. A new virus keeping us all away from one another, political debate on every platform, and having to hear about Tiger King was all a bit too much. No one was left untouched by the taunting of 2020, but it was all of the shitshowness that made it a year to remember.

Our lives did a complete 180 and life turned upside down. I turned 21 and still have not stepped foot in a bar, how sad is that?!

Around the world, we experienced the beginning of an unknown virus, but that isn’t all that happened to make the year unlike any other.

Each month in 2020 brought me new challenges, opportunities, and time to find my voice. Toxic relationships held me back, my sense of worth was invisible. I felt as if I was no one with nothing to show. My only distraction from the toxicity was my work and I took advantage of it. I poured every ounce of energy into my online platform. By the end of 2019, I felt as if I were just a shell of who I used to be.

The first quarantine slowed me down. That’s the time I had to take my struggles head-on and figure it all out. It was the hardest thing I had ever done.

My relationships ended with some people. I suffered tremendously, I couldn’t shake the hold they had on me. Months went by and all I did was lay in bed and cry. I didn’t know it then, but those months were the most transformative of my life; I had broken free.

Naturally, my work suffered. My writing came to a halt simply because there were no words I wanted to share. My mind was too busy learning to cope with the loss. At the same time, my anxiety about not working enough had to be faced. Working myself to exhaustion was not healthy and the overwhelming weight on my chest to do more was breaking me down.

I thought of my value as how much work I could get done; how successful I was. Surprise, that’s not healthy!

All of the issues I had kept stored inside of me last year came out and there was no more running away. It was absolute hell and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. The work is hard and at times can seem impossible, but getting to heal brought me happiness I hadn’t felt before.

2020 was an interesting year, but I hope to have the same growth in 2021. This whole pandemic thing can stay in the past because I am so over that, but I can’t imagine living as the same person I was in 2019.

2020 changed my life in the most amazing ways and I will hold onto that forever. When my kids ask about masks and social distancing they will hear about it, but they’ll also hear about how that time in quarantine changed my life for the good.

2021 is a year of continued growth and healing. I am manifesting a year full of love, confidence, and improvement.

Thank you 2020, I wouldn’t be as strong as I am now without you.