finding happiness

The global life expectancy is 72.8. That is 72 years here to do whatever the hell we want. That sounds pretty amazing to me. 

There was a time where I felt so stuck. I was depressed and couldn’t understand what I had to do to be happy. I didn’t even know I had depression and was lost. Everything seemed too hard and my bed became a safe place. Looking back I realize how horrible it all was, but at the time I felt nothing. 

Getting help was the best decision I made. After A LOT of doctor appointments, therapy sessions, different medicines, and different therapy types I found what I was looking for. That place of ‘nothingness’ went away. It took hard work and at times seemed hopeless. Years of figuring out what my brain was doing and adjusting brought me to a place of hope. I’m incredibly happy I kept trying. 

Finding happiness seemed so hard, even impossible. I see others struggling the same way I did and it breaks my heart. No one deserves that sense of hopelessness, but now I know I needed that in order to appreciate what I have now. I get to find happiness in the little things. 

The struggle of mental illness made me who I am and I wouldn’t change a single thing. There is no shame in being mentally ill and getting help. 

If you are in a place of darkness and can’t seem to imagine a life without it then listen. Listen to me telling you it’s possible. It takes hard work, many difficult days, and leaving behind people that cannot support you in the way you need. It isn’t easy, nothing about the process is easy, but it is so worth every bad moment. 

Keep going. You can get help; it is possible to get to a place of happiness and appreciate life. Find something that gives you a bit of hope and hold onto that. Mine was the sunshine. That sounds weird, but it worked. The way the sun felt on my skin, the brightness of it gave me hope. 

I clung onto the color of yellow and put it in places I would see it. My lock screen was yellow with a quote, I have a yellow water bottle, and so many other little details became bright. It’s the little things in life that will bring a sense of joy to you. 

Now, I don’t have to rely on one thing. Everything around me became bright. 

You don’t have to be depressed, sad, or looking for anything to find a thing. During quarantine I needed something to carry me through. That is going back to school. Now I’m almost 20 days away from being back at my happy place. 

Need help finding that ‘thing’? Well, here’s a little list. 

  • Water- The ocean, lakes, rivers, waterfalls, etc. You name it and water brings a sense of calm. Put those images everywhere to keep in mind. 
  • Sunshine- This one has brought me a lot of hope and I know it’ll bring some to you, too. 
  • Poems- There are a million small authors publishing poetry books for $10 or less! Order one, two, or all of them and keep them close. 
  • Some place close to you- Your apartment, a house, or any place that’s yours. Keep it close to your heart when you need a sense of hope. 
  • Music- Songs can work wonders. Find one you like and put those lyrics EVERYWHERE. 
  • Flowers- they brighten up every place they bloom. The symbol of growth and process brings joy everywhere. 
  • Smiles- SMILING MAKES YOU HAPPY! It’s scientifically proven. Put a smile everywhere even if you aren’t smiling. 

Hold onto something close and hope for more. I’m proud of you.