Quarantine has been a total shit show. You know and I know it. If you’ve been having a great time then I am so happy for you. If you’ve been struggling, know that I have been there with you trying to get by day each day. It’s been I think two months of this, but it feels like a year and that isn’t even an exaggeration. I’m pretty sure I could write a book about every new change and occurrence, but this blog post will have to be good enough (for now!)
I’m always truthful on my platform even if it’s hard, so this post is a bit hard to write knowing that everyone will know a little bit of what’s been going on. So I’ve had two important titles that I used to define myself were taken away. My role has changed and new things are happening in both my professional and personal life. With that a family emergency occurred and I only have three sessions left with my favorite therapist until she leaves the practice and I have to get another. As I said, it’s been a shit show.
Before the quarantine, I already hated change. This adjustment to staying inside has been hard and every day has been a constant battle. I slept too much or not enough, my space was messy, and I had zero motivation or energy. I was falling into a bad pattern and knew I didn’t have much time until I became depressed to the point of no return for weeks. Then, some unfortunate things happened. It was at this time I realized it would be months in bed if I didn’t get up and do something now.
My first step was to shower every day. Hygiene is important obviously, but it is often the first thing to go when dealing with a depressive episode. The idea of getting up, getting ready for the shower, getting dressed, etc. makes it all too much. I started to shower every day and get dressed. After a week I started to shower every day, get dressed, and do my hair. This started to give me the confidence I hadn’t had in months.
Confidence is tricky for me. It seems to come at different times and leaves just as easily as it comes. With therapy I’ve improved my self-love and confidence immensely so I make a point to continue with that. Even when I fake confidence I notice a difference in my self-worth.
After getting all of that I even do a little makeup now, especially on the days where I wake up feeling defeated. I’m not a huge fan of makeup and to be honest I don’t know how it all works. Simple foundation confuses the hell out of me and I use my fingers to apply eyeshadow. So a little mascara and my FAVORITE Fenty lip gloss go a long way.
So much hasn’t gone my way while I’ve been stuck in quarantine which was a challenge on its own. If you had told me six months ago that all of these events would happen in a time span of one month I would have laughed. None of it makes sense to me and I’m accepting that. Everything happens for some reason and I have to trust that whatever is meant to happen will happen.
With all of this I was able to get through it and beat my depression once again with self-love. That concept was foreign to me, especially since I gave my love to everyone around me. I had never realized that I need to love who I am too. With that in mind I’ve gained the courage to keep going and fight the depression that hangs over my head.
If you’ve been going through a hard time I want you to do one thing, just one thing. If you’re at a bad point I know that you do not want to listen or even try anymore, but just one thing for me. Get up and shower. You don’t have to touch your hair or clean your room, just shower. Day by day that will stop becoming hard. You will gain the energy back and do a little bit more each day. Don’t rush it and do too much, just do what you feel you can. I have faith in you. We will get through this quarantine!