Every week I try my very hardest to produce content that is enjoyable. I write every day so that seems easy enough, yet I wasn’t able to for the past two weeks. Only two posts have been posted in two weeks when usually I do four. My body has been physically and emotionally drained to the point where I got sick.
I hadn’t had eight hours of sleep over two nights put together (don’t yell at me mom!)The stress in my body was impossible to ignore, yet every time I tried to physically relax it never happened. This made my panic attacks worse which means less sleep. It seemed to be a never ending cycle.
Taking care of my body is something I strive to do every day. Weekly therapy sessions (which is 1000% okay and should not have a stigma around it,) showering, eating, and drinking water. All the essentials. It’s harder than it seems, especially in college and I was always proud about my ability to take care of myself. Without proper self care my mental health can go down quickly because of my anxiety and depression. Constantly I have to be on top of it or else it’s easy to go down a hole and struggle to get back up.
I always talk about how motivation and hard work gets you places. No guts, no glory. That is all true, but something I left out was that sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is relax. That’s a concept I am still trying to understand. My body is recovering and I’m trying to go back to eight hours of sleep a night so I don’t get burnt out again like that.
Being unable to do the things I take pride in brought me down even more. My blog is one of the most important aspects of my life and not posting on my regular schedule hurts. I felt as if I was not only letting myself down, but also my readers. That was the hardest part and led to me putting even more pressure on myself. No matter how hard I tried to write nothing worked. My writing was in simple words, shitty and the quality sucked.
After getting pretty down on myself I tried to take a minute and remember that this is something I do on the side. Even if this is a huge part of my life and I value it tremendously this is a hobby. One day this will be my career (fingers crossed) but, for now I’m in school and working a part time job. I need to get okay with the fact I am not always going to be able to do everything I want to. I turned down a job that I wanted so much because I simply couldn’t make it happen.
Being okay with disappointing myself is a new concept I am trying to figure out. I would like to be okay with not getting everything done and not disappointing myself. Taking a minute to realize that I am doing my best and that’s enough will be a game changer for my mental health.
This post was to let you all know that you’re best is good enough. Be proud of who you are and know you’re doing amazing. You can’t do more than you can handle and that’s okay. I am proud of all of you.