living for yourself

Trigger warning- This post discusses suicide and mental illness. The national suicide hotline is 1-800-273-8255

All over social media there are bloggers posting about self love and self care, I’m one of them. We’re supposed to love ourselves and be happy with who we are. Mental illness can sometimes stop that. It can make you feel worthless and ashamed. Ashamed that leaving the house is hard, getting out of bed can be hard, things in life can seem too hard. Often people will explain that you have to learn to live for yourself. How does someone do that when they don’t feel worthy enough?

Speaking up about mental illness is not a bad thing. It is real and it needs to be heard. Every person who discusses mental health says you must love yourself first. I don’t think that’s entirely true. Of course you should, but mental illnesses take that away so easily. The thing is that I believe you can live for something else until you’re at a place to love yourself. 

It can be hard to understand. Some people believe that those who attempt or commit suicide are attention seeking or going to hell. I don’t know what happens after, but I do know that no one attempts suicide for attention. It can be a cry for help and that is much different. That feeling of loneliness doesn’t match wanting attention, but rather wanting help. Sometimes they don’t even want that. 

When someone thinks that suicide is the only possible option they are dealing with a sadness not known to anyone else. It’s almost impossible to describe. To feel as if Earth would be better without you, to have no self worth and losing the want to live each day. It’s as if the world around you is running perfectly fine while you slowly collapse into this feeling of nothing. 

If you’re at a place where you feel as if you won’t ever feel again or that you could be gone and no one will notice then you need to find something else to live for. Live for your dog, your mom, your best friend, your significant other or maybe live for the people who like your tweets! I’m by no means saying don’t live for yourself, but if you’re not in that headspace then you need to find something else. 

There is always something important in your life. Your pet will wonder everyday where you went. Your siblings will cry feeling as if they failed you. Whether you want to be here or not you need to look around and see who you need to live for. If you want to live for Harry Styles then do it! Find something that makes you want to stay here and then get help. 

Look for a therapist, doctor or psychiatrist and work on loving yourself. The honest truth is that it will be hard as hell and seem almost impossible. I’m here to tell you that it’s not. 

If you have never felt as if you aren’t meant to be here then acknowledge that not everyone feels the same. Check in on your friends, it can be so easy to pretend. I follow a mental health blogger and she said it best, having a mental illness means being an actress every day. Look for the warning signs. If you feel this way then get help, it is possible to overcome those feelings.